valentine

Kit called me in a panic earlier because her hair was janky, she had a date, and the place around the corner she would normally go to was closed.

So, I scooted on over there to save the day.

When her hair was acceptable, I helped advise on shoes and accessories, and then packed up and got ready to go.

She wanted to know how much to pay me, and I told her it was done as a friend.

So she gave me a bag of conversation hearts, wished me a happy Valentine's day, and I went my way.

She seems to be having a good time on her date, last time I checked.

a few thoughts...

Holy fuck! The last two episodes of "Dollhouse" alternately blew my mind, and broke my heart. I snuffled through the last 30 minutes of story. That was epic anime-quality story, and I mean that as a serious compliment. Okay, the last 2 minutes were a little weak, but they accomplished what they needed to accomplish. Good job, Joss.

I got the skinny envelope from Sine Qua Non. Apparently, despite perpetually advertising and hiring for their numerous salons, they found a candidate more in line with what they were looking for, and they wish me the best.

I might like you better if you play Mobsters or Overdrive on Facebook, btw. JOIN MY MOB/CREW already.

I am rewriting my resume to better reflect my personality, which is strangely difficult to accomplish. I think my other resume was too stuffy and wordy, so I changed the layout, tweaked the hell out of the info, and made sure to include my ability to MacGuyver almost anything back into working order.

My kitchen is still disturbingly clean.

I want to know where the hell the two discs I put into the mail are at, because Netflix doesn't seem to have them, and I don't have new things to watch.

Dear Salons Allegedly Hiring Stylists in the Chicago Area:

I am a doer, a crafter, and a maker of things.

Rather than be judged solely on the merits of my abilities to motivate staff and generate income as a salon, I would prefer to be recognized for my technical merits as a stylist.

I am a listener and a thinker, and I have a strong rapport with people sitting in my chair... they tell me what they want, and I give it to them, often exceeding their expectations.

I am an alchemist. I turn lead into gold, ash into cream, mouse into merlot, straw into silk, straight into curl, and vice versa.

I am a creator and a skilled artisan. My medium is hair. I cut and sculpt and design. I color and retexturize. I curl and straighten and coif using a variety of tools available to me.

However, I find myself being assigned a skill-set based solely on the places I have worked, as opposed to an expansive and diverse skill-set built on years of experience and education from a variety of sources.

The artistic creative director of a well-known international haircare line taught me, hands-on, how to cut an entire seasonal collection's worth of styles.

I have taken cutting and trend classes from at least a score of acclaimed stylists and educators working for well-respected companies in my industry.

But, I have been boiled down to a chain-salon hack by two little words: Hair and Cuttery.

And two scathing more: Ulta Salon.

And probably even these accursed three: Department Store Salon.

Oh, and we mustn't forget the crippling status of SALON MANAGER.

I pass out my resume left and right, and the few interviews with which I have been begrudgingly given invitation to attend have made me feel very discouraged.

The Aveda salon at which I have interviewed would want me to completely quit cutting hair the way I have learned to do over the past decade-plus, forgoing the use of clippers and razors and whatnot for the pure, unsullied use of shears.

It absolutely used to boggle my mind at the inability of people graduating from Aveda schools to cut mens hair shorter than a couple of inches in length. That's because they only teach them how to cut hair with one tool: the shears basic to our trade. No experimentation with other methods of cutting are required or desired.

Now I understand.

And, because I have no experience with Aveda color, despite specializing in color and years and years of working with oodles of different color lines, many of which I have had to use pure extrapolation to convert formulas from one brand to another - with great success mind you, I would not be allowed to do color on clients for a couple of months until I had taken a series of color classes and then gone through a monitored probationary period of color application to mannequins and models until deemed fit to work on paying customers.

Oh, and that's only if they call me back in the next couple of weeks for a technical interview, and want to then offer me employment.

I also interviewed with a Bumble and bumble salon. Prior to even interviewing me, they had determined by reading my resume that I would have to go through at least 4 to 6 months of junior stylist training and classes before being allowed to work on the client floor, because of my limited skill-set.

Also provided that they invite me back in the next several weeks for a technical interview, and still want to hire me.

I honestly believe that they would rather take fresh grads and bend them to their will through a year or so of intensive training, than give someone like me a chance.

Speaking of fresh grads, did you know that in the state of Illinois, you graduate with 1500 hours of academic experience, the majority of which is theoretical and untested?

The beauty school attendees graduate, take a standardized knowledge-based test on a computer, and enter the workforce.

Stylists fresh out of school can't cut hair. Seriously.

Most of them also don't understand color theory, or have a very limited knowledge or understanding of how to perform chemical services.

They either enter an apprenticeship or junior stylist program with a fancy salon, or they go to a chain salon and learn by experimentation on clients, watching other stylists work, and from being taught behind the chair by their managers and coworkers, or taking basic cutting/coloring/styling classes provided by the company.

Hell, most of them don't seem capable of curling someone's hair with a curling iron, much less pinning it up into a hairstyle.

The only thing newly graduated stylists seem to uniformly be capable of doing is a decent blow dry.

Oh, and they all seem to think that they have mastered the art of using a flat iron.

By the way, many of the educators at schools like Pivot Point have been doing hair less than two years themselves, and some of them have NO actual salon experience. They go through the curriculum, graduate, get licensed, and then turn around and learn how to teach the curriculum to new students.

In Iowa, you go to school for 2100 hours. The last 4 - 6 months of school is almost exclusively spent on the client floor, getting a shitload of experience working with hair and refining techniques, under the supervision and tutelage of practicing cosmetologists who are also instructors.

I graduated school, went to state boards for both practical and knowledge-based testing*, and then went to work for a private Aveda salon.

For the first 3 months, I was an apprentice, only allowed to work on the hair of request clients, or to provide manicures, pedicures or facials to anyone who wanted them. I learned a lot through observation, unlearning a few stupid things I'd been taught at beauty school, and did a lot of scalp massages and washing of client hair as a shampoo girl. Oh, and I ran a lot of errands.

After 3 months, they decided my talents were better spent behind the chair working on paying customers because I was good at doing hair. That isn't to say I didn't spend some time being an aesthetician and nail tech, because no one else would do it, but I was an actual, licensed, business card-carrying stylist.

Not once, in the last 15 years, has any salon ever questioned my ability to perform my job without compromising the integrity of my client's hair, regardless of salon business model or designated time allowance.

I need a job, you need experienced stylists... how about giving me an opportunity to shine for you, instead of treating me like an undesirable idiot?

...

*Now in Iowa, much like here in Illinois, you can't graduate from school until you are capable of passing what would have previously been the practical portion of the state board test. And then you take a standardized knowledge-based test on a computer.

I went to school with people that graduated school, went through state board prep, were deemed ready for state boards, and still never passed the practical portion of testing, thusly never becoming actual hairstylists.

I don't trust the quality of stylists graduating from either Illinois or Iowa schools anymore.

housekeeping

I feel completely comfortable in saying that I would willingly lick any surface of my cooktop. That level of clean may not amaze you, but for those who have entered my domicile, it's a downright miracle.

Now, if I could just figure out why the oven billows black smoke when you turn it on...

Help Fe Be Pain Free : Support Felicia Dehmlow

Help Fe Be Pain Free : Support Felicia Dehmlow

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improving dill falls

I am sad with my little population of one.

Help make me mightier, so that I might outdo my neighbors!

http://dill-falls.myminicity.com/

confessions of a craigslist troll

I love to read the "Casual Encounters" section of Craigslist.

It's like tragic, soap opera porn.

Mostly it's people looking for one-nighters or to indulge some sort of fantasy that clearly isn't being met by their regular sexual outlet. Lots of guys looking to give or receive oral with some lucky lady, some jungle fever itches that need scratched, chubby chasers looking for love, etc.

But sometimes it's just so inconceivably goofy, that I can barely contain my perverse glee at reading the delightful offerings. Long, detailed descriptions of scenarios people want to act out, bizarre listings for things like free housecleaning services when all the guy really wants is to wear your bra and panties and have you boss him around while he rearranges your closets for you, or even fiction and poetry:

"One cum, two cum, three cum, four
That’s what I need from my dirty little whore
Gagging your face and pounding your ass
To the outside world you had so much class

"Don’t think that we’re finished, oh we are not done
The cuddling, the kissing, the gentler fun
All this and more is yours to acquire
When to be my submissive is what you desire"

Plus, there are even DIRTY PICTURES!